Seriously with some Purple Passion

Really, I love that show. As well as the Colbert Report. Something about the way they take themselves so seriously is amazing. Same thing with The Office. I am about to write a paper for my folklore class and I think I will use my "Purple passion" story. The only problem I can see with using it is I have never written it down, so now that I'm trying to remember how I start it I can't seem to put it on the screen... That's the problem with a lot of folklore, it's so much easier to just say whatever it is than it is to write it. Maybe I should go with bathroom stall graffiti. No. The paper is due tomorrow.

Purple Passion (as told by me)

So, there was this little boy named Billy who was a pretty normal kid, never got into any trouble and always listened to his parents. He was in the second grade, so about, like seven or eight years old, and until this point he had lived a fairly uncomplicated and uneventful life. One day he went into school, and he had one of those desks that opened up, you know? And he opened his desk to get out his school supplies when in the center of his papers he saw a note neatly folded up, you know, the way girls can fold up notes, and in the middle was his name "Billy" written in Purple marker. Billy's heart leapt and he glanced around to see what little girl might have given him such a note, and when nobody would meet his eye, he turned to the note and opened it. There in the middle of the crinkled piece of paper was written in bold Purple letters "Purple Passion." Billy thought that this was very strange and did not know what to make of it, and since he could not imagine who would have given him this note, he went to his teacher. He said, "I just got this note in my desk, but I don't know who it is from or what it means" and his teacher said, "Ok, Billy, let me see the note." He handed her the paper and she glanced down and she quickly handed it back to him. She said, "Billy, I'm so sorry, but I can't have this in my classroom." You know, "I'm sorry, but you are going to have to leave, don't ever come in my room ever again. Please go down to the principal's office." Billy was really confused by this. He had never been in trouble before, but he was also not one to argue, so he took his things and the note and went down to the principal's office where he sat outside the door next to two class bullies who pinched him and pulled his hair and finally the principal came out and said "Billy, what are you doing here? Come on into my office" So Billy walked into the office dragging his backpack and coat behind him, and with the crinkled note in his hand he closed the door and sat down. "What seems to be the problem?" Billy started to tell the principal about the mysterious note that he got and how he didn't know what it meant and now he was kicked out of class. The principal looked at him kindly and said "There must be some sort of misunderstanding, let me look at the note." So Billy handed it over and the principal's kind face dropped and suddenly was very serious. "I'm sorry Billy, but we can't have this in our school. I need you to take your things, and leave, and never come back."

(See, this is taking way too long.)

Billy was really concerned now. He's been kicked out of school all for a note that he didn't even understand. He walked home sadly and when he came into his house his parents were both very surprised to see him. They asked, "What are you doing home Billy? It is only 9 in the morning!" He proceded to tell his parents that he had been kicked out of school, all because of a note that he got that did not even understand. His parents said "Well, let us see the note" so he gave it to them. His mother began to cry and his father hung his head in shame. He said, "Son, I am sorry, but we can't have this in our family, we will give you some money and a plane ticket to send you as far away as possible, but you can no longer be a part of this family."

So Billy got on a plane headed for far far away and since he was a child flying without a parent the flight attendants took special not of him. As they flew over the pacific ocean one sat down next to Billy, who stared out the window with tears in his eyes. She asked him what was wrong and he began to tell her his sad story of how he was kicked out of school, and then disowned by his family all because of a note that was left in his desk. He just wanted to know what it meant! The flight attendant felt bad for him so she said "well, let me see the note." He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it to her. Her face light up in alarm and she went up to the cockpit. Seconds later the pilot came back and looked at Billy and shook his head. He handed him the note and said "Look, we can't have this on our plane. I'm really sorry, but we just can't. I will bring the plane down to an altitude where you can parachute out, but we need you off this plane as soon as possible." So they gave him a life preserver and a parachute and sent him off the plane.

In the middle of the ocean a cruise liner saw a parachuter falling from the sky and since that was sort of weird they decided to move a little closer to the person to see if they would need some help. They were so surprised to find a little boy, no older than eight years floating in the middle of the ocean. They pulled him up into the ship and brought the captian down to talk with him. The captian asked Billy what on earth he was doing all the way out here and Billy began to tell him his sad story. The captain said "Well, let me see the note" and Billy handed him the crumpled and damp note. The captian's eyes became furious. "I'm sorry, but we just can't have this on my ship. We will give you a raft, but we can't let you stay here." And as they passed a small island they sent Billy and his note on their way toward the island.

After paddling for what seemed like hours, Billy finally made it to the island's beach where an old woman sat sunbathing. Across the street from the beach were a few hotels and restauraunts and all in all it did not seem like such a bad place to be stranded. The woman noticed the little boy coming in from the water and asked him "What were you doing all the way out there? All by yourself?" And Billy, exhausted, told her his long and incredible story. Finally, she asked to see the note. Billy handed the torn, and damp, and crinckled note to her. She examined it carefully then said "Ok, meet me here tomorrow morning at ten and I can tell you what this means." Finally! Billy was so excited that he would finally know what this note meant. He felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He went across the street and checked into a hotel where he slept for the first time in several nights. He woke up the next morning and had a big breakfast and then got ready to meet the lady at the beach. He came out of the hotel, looked across the street and saw the old lady. She waved at him, he waved at her, and he ran across the street and was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is... look both ways before crossing the street.

Seriously, that was really long. But good, because it needed to be written out. Sorry if you are mad, I don't know what Purple Passion is, but it's kept me entertained for years.